You can't special order awesome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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