she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
