the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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