ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
