Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
