I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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