I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
