I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
