And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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