I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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