I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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