At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
