My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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