Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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