Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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