still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
