i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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