mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to make out with him forever
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
