chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
