I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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