I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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