after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
