i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
