Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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