What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
