I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
