you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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