I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
