Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
