I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
