My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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