O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
