Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
