Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
