Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
