My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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