Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
