Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
