I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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