So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
