She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
