she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
