the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
