i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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