Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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