I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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