I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
