HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
