If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
