If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
