then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
