Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
